i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
