If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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