great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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