I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
