I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
