I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
