I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dicks are not precious.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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