Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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