Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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