So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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