put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
