Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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