Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
