Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
