I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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