i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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