I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
