Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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