Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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