I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
