it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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