his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
