Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
