I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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