my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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