I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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