the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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