Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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