You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
