4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
