It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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