dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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