arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
