he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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