She is in my trunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
