Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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