i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
