Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You're like the curious george of whores
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
