there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
