I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
