I want to walk on stilts...naked
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
