I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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