how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
