you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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