the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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