State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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