i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
