i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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