just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
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I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
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I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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