My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And then he peed in my hair
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