Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My day in three words: secret purse cake
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
