my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You're like the curious george of whores
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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