i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
