just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
