You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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