I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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