So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize