You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
