The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
