I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
