I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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