If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
