Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
