from now on my penis is your penis
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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