i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
